The Lone Traveller

I’ve never traveled alone, ever. I was always with my family or with friends whenever I travel. So when I sat all alone in the airport waiting for my flight after I was dropped off, I cried.

Yes I did, so what? I didn’t want to leave Manila. I didn’t want to be away for so long. I was scared with what’s going to happen to me. I didn’t want to be alone.

So why, do you ask, did I put this stupid item in my bucket list? Precisely because of the reasons above. I’m 30. I’m old. Enough. I think that even if I didn’t want to, I had to. I had to prove to myself, more than to anybody else that I can do it. That I can leave Manila on my own, that I can be independent enough to handle everything by myself (from booking everything to doing things alone), that I had not only the guts, but the confidence to live and do things alone even for a short span of time.

My “travel alone” item was set for Australia last November. I went to Adelaide, the most laid-back city in Australia and to Sydney, one of the most popular cities in that country. I have been contemplating on how to blog my experiences when I travelled alone, but I always get lost in the process. So allow me instead to chronicle my adventure by listing the top 10 things I learned about myself during this travel:

10) I can actually read maps.

                The first time I went to South Korea, I was with my friend from work. Since she has been to S. Korea a lot of already before, I did not have a hard time going around because I had a “personal tour guide.” This time however, during my 10-hour lay-over in S. Korea, I decided to go out of the airport and go to the Bikram studio to practice yoga. I don’t know if it’s in how Korea built their railway system, but I actually had an easy time navigating it. With map in hand, I was able to successfully go out and about in the trains and streets of Korea with ease. I never imagined, but I was quite proud of myself!

In a train going around South Korea.

9) I really like beer.

                Ok, to put things in perspective.. I’m not an alcoholic. Before, I thought that I only drink beer because my friends and family do. Not so much as peer pressure, but I thought my “drive” to drink beer was because of them. Then came the time when I was the one who’d ask my friends and family out for a few rounds of beer. I thought then that maybe I would like to initiate, for a change, instead of just being the passive one who just goes with the flow if there’s “inuman.” However, when I was in Australia, whether I was with someone or alone, I felt the desire to drink beer. And so I did. I drank beer. Sometimes alone. It sucked, I tell you. Drinking alone absolutely sucked. But beer is beer. And whether I’m surrounded with people or all alone, I’d be happy to have a glass or two. What can I do? Pangan ako eh. Hehe.

Beer in Hahndorf Town, Adelaide.

Beer in George St., Sydney, after Bikram Yoga class.

Beer in Darling Harbour, Sydney.

8) I can schedule my own itinerary without sacrificing convenience for myself.

                When I travel with companions, as with anyone else, I make sure that the itinerary being planned is convenient for all parties involved. At times, people, like myself, sacrifice some things to be with the group in whatever activity there is to be done. For example, instead of sleeping in, I’d wake up real early to go somewhere. Or eating already even if you’re not hungry because everyone is. During my trip, I am very happy to say that I was able to do things I planned for myself at my most convenient time. In Sydney, I was able to go to the Sydney Opera House during the day and see its glory at night. I was able to climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge at the time I wanted: 7PM at night so that I can see all of Sydney lit up. I was able to explore Bondi beach on my own time. I ate at 10PM almost every night because I wanted to finish my activities for the day and no one forced me to do otherwise. I woke up early and slept late when I wanted to. There was no pressure from anyone, and I loved it!

7) I do enjoy some moments alone.

                Although I would rather travel with someone/with other people, I was surprised to feel that I appreciated being alone some of the time while I was away. Allow me to share 2 of my most memorable experiences: #1) Climbing up and reaching the peak of the Sydney Harbour Bridge at 9 in the evening. The view of Sydney lit up, especially of the Sydney Opera House was spectacular. I’d often catch myself just staring out onto the Opera House and enjoy what I’m seeing. The quietness of where I was standing, the cool breeze I felt, the view of the entire city in front of me, made everything almost perfect.  2) Walking around Darling Harbour while the sun slowly set. Before anything else, let me just put in writing that I hate sunsets. I abhor it. However, during my stroll along Darling Harbour, I didn’t notice the setting of sun. I didn’t notice that it was getting darker by the minute. All I remember was me being alone with my thoughts. I was wandering around, looking at sights in the water, by the bay, along the streets, and just thinking. I thought of nothing and everything. I can’t quite explain it but I felt calm.

During both these times especially, I appreciated the fact that no one was with me, to disturb me whether I wanted to be or not. I appreciated the quietness and calmness I felt. I appreciated being alone.

Pam in the Sydney Opera House.

With the view of the Sydney Harbor Bridge.

6) I immensely enjoy reconnecting with very dear friends.

                When I was in Adelaide, one of my closest friends, Cel, adopted me. Actually, the reason I went to Adelaide was because of her. When she found out that I planned a trip to Australia, I was mandated to fly in to see her. Am glad I did because it was one of my best times in Australia. We wasted no time in catching up. I must admit that I have not been very “available” to my friends abroad the past few months.. This I’ve not been proud of. So during the time that I was there, we spent our time bonding, laughing, talking, eating, drinking, and just being as we were. We also called up my best friend who’s already living in Canada. The three of us talked and laughed and cried and talked some more and laughed some more, and annoyed each other, and threw banters around and gossiped about people and laughed some more.. just like how we did when we were all here together. I missed it. I missed them. I missed being with friends who completely understand, love and accept me even when I think I wasn’t being so much of a friend to them. I wished so hard that the three of us can see each other and be together in one place. But that’d be hard, what with the three of us in completely different continents. But if and when that time comes (maybe during Cel’s wedding? J ), I’m sure that the experience would be a million times more enjoyable that last November’s. I can’t wait!

5) How much I love taking pictures to forever immortalize the things that happen to me.

                Pinoys in general love taking pictures. Whether we’re busy doing something, or not in the mood for photos, as soon as we hear “Picture! Picture!,” we’d stop, look at where the camera is pointing at, run over and smile the sweetest smile. Me, I just love having my picture taken, not because of vanity, but because I want to capture moments. Hehe. =) Since there was no one with me to snap photos at my convenience, I learned to #1) muster enough confidence to approach any stranger every time I wanted a decent picture of myself and #2) take a picture of myself either by using the camera timer or just by simply pointing the camera at me from as far away as my arm can stretch at. I didn’t care if people stared or thought I was weird. I was a tourist! I was entitled to act crazy! =)

4) I am not scared of trying something new.

                Skydiving, surfing in shark-infested waters, eating kangaroos and crocodiles, climbing up a bridge at night.. need I say more? This realization did not only come to me during this trip. When I started this project of doing 30 things in my bucket list, I already knew that I was brave enough to try new things. I remember regretting that I started this project too late. I thought, “If only I had enough courage before, I could’ve done this already..” But I stopped punishing myself for my “if onlys.” I just started to and will continue to seize the day. It’s never too late, as they say.

Trying out kangaroo meat..

And crocodile too!

3) I hate saying good-byes.

                I cried when I said goobye to my family when I left Manila. I cried when I said goodbye to Cel when I left Adelaide. If I were with someone in Sydney, I'm pretty sure I'd have cried when I left too. I always knew I had problems with saying goodbyes. But I always thought that everyone was like that. During this trip, I realized that this wasn't normal. Weeping everytime I bid someone "bye" is not normal. So what do I plan to do about this? Nothing. If bawling my eyes out is my own way to show the people I love that I do not want to be away from them, then so be it. It's not my birthday, but I'll still cry if I want to. Ha!

2) I love my family and I miss them like crazy when I’m far away.

                My mom can attest to this fact. During the time that I was alone in Sydney, I always ALWAYS send her SMS messages telling her how sad I felt that I’m alone.. Telling her that I miss them and that I wish they were with me. I always tell her that I was starting to not enjoy my trip because I had no one to share my experiences with at the end of the day. And even if I'm definite that trips with my family would mean having our usual disagreements, pikunan, walang pansinan for some time, sakitan ng ulo, bigayan ng kunsumishon, etc., I would not trade it for being alone again.

Missing my family in a beach in Sydney.

1) I can be independent and responsible enough to live on my own.

                I had this conversation with my mom once, years ago:
                Me: Ma, what do you think about me living in Makati on my own for awhile?
                Mom: Why?
                Me: Cause I work in Makati, and it would be easier for me to go to work 
                      everyday..
                Mom: But you have a ride to and from work. That's not a problem.
                Me: Yeah, but I think I want to try to live on my own?
                Mom: Why?
                Me: Cause I want to see if I'm responsible enough to live on my own? Kahit for a 
                      couple of months lang..
                Mom: *silence*
                Me: What do you think?
                Mom: No.
                Me: Why?
                Mom: I don't think the family is ready for that yet.

                Ok, I had no grudges after that conversation. As a matter of fact, I was quite thankful. I knew that at that time, I really wasn't ready to be on my own. However, after my trip, I realized that I've changed a lot years after that conversation with my mom. I realized that yes, I am capable to live alone. I am responsible enough to take care of myself, my expenses, my schedule, my tasks, my daily itinerary, and all other things that come with it. So now, even if I'm not sure if my mom still thinks that "the family is not yet ready" for that kind of set-up, I am content to know that I am. =)

 

But with all that said, if I had a choice, I would NOT do this again. However, as sad as it may be for me, I have an upcoming trip by myself again this coming January. Boo! Oh well, might as well go through all this again. As they say.. Been there, been that.

My travel companion, Belle.

When: November 23 - December 1, 2011

Where: Adelaide/Sydney, Australia 

P.S. As I drafted this entry, my paki-elamero best friend decided to come up with his own version of the top 10 things I learned about myself. I thought, what the heck, might as well share it with you too.. After all, he knows me better than most my friends do. =)

1) That I’m more daring that my supposedly “braver” friends

2) That I still can’t sleep alone in a strange place when it gets really dark

3) That I can drink beer ALONE

4) That I can take a bus (not MRT) but an actual bus

5) That I can’t live without rice (and Ate Susan’s cooking in general)

6) That I am more mature than I give myself credit

7) That I can walk and climb without whining

8) That I miss my friends more than I thought I would

9) That I can conquer the land, the sea and the air all in a week

10) That I get offended by people taking out their foot callus while talking with me